Growing up in a generation where we constantly go to battle on who's shades of skin tone is better, being mixed race was and task for sure. I would love to think the world was this place where different cultures as well as skin colours were to be accepted, and that it wasn't so important in terms of judgement,stereotypes and criticism. Unfortunately this is not the case. I would say that I am a great mix of both of my parents however, being of a mixed background has its pros and cons.
My Mum is White British and my Dad is Black Caribbean, Yes.... I fit the typical Mixed Raced stereotype. Growing up people would try to guess where I was from in most cases they were right but that was not to say that their stereotypes and assumptions did not bother me. They did. Why is it that because I am Mixed Race or somebody is Mixed Race that the automatic assumption would be the mum is always White and the Dad is black? Are there not some children where their Mums are Black and their Dads are White? The constant need to prove their point in where I was from , what race I was and what team I was rocking the hardest would physically drain me.
There is no doubt that my parents were giving a hard time as interracial relationships were not accepted to long ago and still till this day aren't. I can walk into a store with my mum and because she is a White Woman and she has a Mixed Race daughter you would find some funny looks here and there. Yes my mum has also been called a '"Nigga Lover" even by members of her family, which just goes to show that people are ignorant and do not accept interracial relationships.
So many people emphasise on the term "Mixed Race" the only reason I am classified as being Mixed Race would be due to the fact that both of my parents both of racial divisions came together in order to create life. All that proves is that my parents are not of the same race. If you want to get technical anyone can be "Mixed Race" Most people today are Mixed Race without even realising it. As long as both of your parents are of a different race you are of mixed blood no? Or am I mistaken? or is it just that when a interracial couple come together you only classify the product of that to be mixed?
When I was younger especially during school I felt as though I was being forced to pick a side. I was not even classified as being mixed race I was classified as either being too white or too black. I felt almost alone in the sense that although I was mixed I was generally the only person to be technically classified as mixed in my friendship groups. My White friends would call me too black because I liked to listen to dancehall music and would make unnecessary jokes such as "of course you like chicken you are half black" Innocently ignorant comments like that would upset me but how can you address these issues when people are not in a position to understand you? With my Black friends they would call me too white because I liked to read books and I spoke very formally.
I have also experienced within my family being told I'm more on the side of either being Pro White or Pro Black. Some may say of course she is going to be Pro White she was raised by her mother who is white. My family may sometimes say I post a lot of black things or in support of black people what about white people? Oh you only date black guys what about white guys? Do you not like your race? I am not on a side. I do not see colour. This is not battle of the races this is my life and I choose who I am. I owe nobody an explanation to what I do and why I do it. This just makes me feel even more misunderstood and alone because if your family can not understand who do you really have to turn to?
When being put in a position where you feel as though your family are trying to make you pick a side or you feel as though they are making you feel like you are more on the side of the other half of your race it can be extremely draining and confusing in terms of emotion. I get mad because I think to myself why do they think this? Why can they not understand me and then I almost feel a sense of rebellion in I am who I am and do as I wish and will continue to do so despite how you feel about it. I want to live my life for me and not for what anyone says I should be or would like to mould me into. I have my own beliefs my own opinions and although I am open minded and respect others thoughts that does not mean I am going to change them in order to make other happy. But then in the same breath you say to yourself well they are my family...How else do you deal with the situation. Of course you want to make your family proud and the natural reaction would be to make them happy but it can be very challenging and difficult in the fact that viewpoints are different and most of the time my feelings and how I try to project them are misunderstood. If their viewpoint is biased or could be seen to be racially discriminative its very difficult to then say yes I will do this to make you happy. I stand by what I believe to be wrong and right which is where the altercations, differences and confusion lays.
I support both Races to an extent. It is very difficult to go hard for a race that would have done anything in their power to wipe out the existence of your other race and it still happens to this day. I hate feeling forced to choose. However, I must highlight that there is a lot of injustice in the world. A lot of Racial Oppression, White privilege, Brainwashing and manipulation. For example I hate the fact that black people go to war with one another over the tone of their skin. But these distractions are put in place to make you fight against one another and not come together in order to stop racial discrimination, oppression and so forth. Instead you are discriminating each other and these things are socially engineered so it's okay to bleach your skin because you will be favoured more, be classed as prettier and may have more opportunities out there for you but in theory it is not. Its separating you from the roots of who you are and where you came from. You are saying you are not proud of who you are. You are not proud of they your radiantly beautiful melanin filled skin. You are saying that society and racial discrimination wins.
The reason I am pro black in terms of supporting my fellow black brothers and sisters is down to this exact reason. There is an injustice and inequality still surfacing throughout the world. Millions of black people are killed for unjustified reasons. Robbed of their lives and robbed of their livelihhoods every single day and the reason as to why it is confusing and sometimes difficult to be Mixed Race is due to the fact that my other race is the root reason behind it all. It's okay for white people to braid their hair. To twerk, listen to dancehall music but in the same breath racially discriminate and take the lives of the people whose cultures you are embracing? To me that is mind blowing that is beyond out of this world, inhumane in fact. Now I support who I am. I am proud of me. But I am not proud of everything that my white side of me has done to my black side. And I can not be pro white in supporting what they have done. It is wrong and it still happens today. So of course I am going to say black lives matter and post back rights movements and support them if they are being wrongly victimised and treated in a way that is considered to be inhumane. You are telling me you don't understand that? That this doesn't make sense to you? That just because of this I am pro black and "fuck my white side". No I was raised by my white side of my family and I love them dearly. And Yes I am also aware a small percentage of people are not racist I am not speaking for the entire population of white people. I am purely speaking from what has happened and still happens today. I just do not agree with the things that have occurred from that race in the past and that still continues today.
I hate being told I should be either pro white or pro black. I love me and my mix and I embrace my roots and who I am. I am of mixed descent. I hate racism just as much as anyone else. I have and still do experience it in many ways. People ask me can I cook, can I dance and can I do hair because I am half white, or telling me I am white because I like tea and biscuits. These are the struggles I face every single day. Not being able to have an opinion or having one but not voicing it as it may offend somebody.
The purpose of Today's post was to highlight the issues I face being a young mixed race woman and I know first hand how difficult and confusing that can be. I hope for others in the same situation as myself can seek comfort and learn to speak their truth and be honest in the complications but be open enough to share and embrace who they are. Never be afraid of who you are. Embrace your culture, be proud of where you are from and do not let nobody tell you who you should be.
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