COPYRIGHT 2018 © TamaraMichelle.

DAD... A Son's First Hero..A Daughters First Love

April 21, 2017

 Hey Everyone, I guess Looking at this baby photo of me you are guessing what today's post is going to be about. Today I will be talking about the effects of a father not being present in a woman's life and how that can impact them tremendously. When a father walks out on his family for what ever the reason may be the children can suffer tremendously. Today I will share with you how and also let you know a little bit more about my life.

 

A Little Background Info On Myself

 

I was born into this beautiful world with two parents. For a little while I lived with my mum and my dad. When my mum was pregnant with my brother this relationship ended and they parted their separate ways. My brother is 3 years younger than me. Up until that point I was living with both my parents. Not only had I bonded with my mum but I also bonded with my dad. Of course when my parents split things got difficult. The time spend with my dad decreased. I could be waiting at the gate outside my house all day for him to come and get me and he would never show up.

 

He started letting me down more frequently. That would hurt as I just wanted to see my dad. I started to feel like maybe he did not love me anymore or I had maybe done something wrong and he did not want to see me anymore. As I grew older I became envious of my friends that had both parents or even if their parents had split would still see their parent. I would ask myself well why can my dad not be like that. Why does he not call ? Why does he not come to see me? Why does he not tell me he loves and misses me? Is this all my fault? I started to beat myself up about it and blame myself. I started to lose my confidence and think I was the issue. He would tell me that it is my job to reach out to him to create a relationship. That he does not have to work or put in effort to be in my life. I can not even begin to tell you how that made me feel but despite his attitude and how he made me feel I gave him chance after chance. My family members would frustrate me when they would say to me "oh just speak to him and give him a chance". They had both their parents. How on earth can you understand a situation you have not experienced. How can you offer advice on something you have never had to deal with. It would annoy me so much that I would emotionally shut myself off from it. 

 

My choice in men was poor due to the fact I never had my dad around to show me how a man should be. How he should act. It became very difficult for me to open up and let people see me for who I was because the first man I ever fell in love with. The first man that was meant to protect me from all the bad in the world continuously broke my heart and let me down.  I would act like it did not hurt me.  Act like I did not care that he was not

around but deep down I cared very much. I was broken. Broken at the fact that he did not love me enough to fight for a place in my life. He did not want to make an effort. That made me feel unworthy. I felt as if I was not important. I would ask myself if my own dad does not love me well how will any other man. It is emotionally, physically and mentally destroying if you let it consume you. For a while I allowed that to happen.

 

Now that I am older, Now that I have taken my control back and decided that I am worth it and loved myself more. I accept the situation for what it is. I feel no way towards my father. My father has 4 kids. He is in contact with none of them. If anything I pray for him. I pray for him because for a man to create 4 amazing lives and to care to see not one of them flourish, to not be a part of any of them or to even try to be a part of any of them is saddening. I also makes me wonder about what his upbringing was like. Sometimes people's upbringing can affect their parenting. You could either break the cycle or continue it. In his case he continued the cycle. I wish him nothing but the best. I want him to seek internal happiness. Maybe then he will get it. Maybe then he will see how many years and how many achievements he missed out on. I can tell you that I can only ever recall him saying happy birthday to me once. I thought he did not even know when my birthday was at a point. I was shocked if I am being honest. Its very sad but it is life. I am proud of the woman I am today and the woman I will be in the future.My biggest goal is that when I choose my husband when I decide to create a family that It will be with a man that will not leave my children's side or mine. I will give them the world and more. I want what I never had for my children. My children will be raised in a loving home and be able to witness just how much their parents love one another but most importantly how much we both love our kids.

 

This is just a little breakdown of my story and this is how my father not being present effected my life. There are millions of men and women out there that have also been through the same. I am going to give you some traits to look out for and how you can heal yourself and be better for you.

 

 Women Without Fathers Growing Up

 

Growing up without a parent can negatively affect a child’s ability to achieve happiness and love in their lives. There are many reasons for parents not to be present in a child’s growth, whether it's due to death, an illness, divorce, or lack of time due to their jobs. The effects occur in the children’s personality, which could often be negative such as having: low self-esteem and self love, lack of ability to socialize, inability to maintain relationships and of course there are many other reasons as to how this can affect a child . Fathers are essential for girls in their development because they provide  a different type of nurturing. They focus more on teamwork and competitiveness. This different type of focus has an effect on the girl’s ability to manage emotions, intelligence and academic achievement. Therefore, if a girl does not receive this during her childhood development, when she grows older she will have difficulties with her personality by being insecure, having low self- esteem and being unable to recognize her self-worth.

 

Girls need to be taught by their father about men so when they grow up to women, they would be able to acquire healthy relationships and find a loving companion in themselves and their destined partner.However, if fathers do not provide their daughter with this type of nurturing then the daughters will have grief and will search for the missing father’s love somewhere else. This often causes women to have many failed relationships. A father also has the responsibility of advising their daughters about how men are, what they value, how they get to respect women and so on. This is how a daughter would have information in order to be able to look for their ideal man in the future.

 

If daughters cannot acquire this information and nurturing from their fathers due to their absence then they will fail to cultivate healthy relationships possibly leading them to develop negative characteristics. Some women tend to sleep around and have many sexual partners as they are either emotionally unattached and do not trust men. Other females may seek comfort in those many sexual partners hoping that one of them will be the one. Other women may require the type of relationship where women seek for older men wanting to find the father figure they never had. Which if the man can not help the women grow and become that grown mature woman then this can be disastrous.

 

Another type of woman that can suffer from an absent father is  the type of woman  to avoid engaging in her emotions. which is where women just avoid getting involved their emotions with men and so they decide to focus instead on their careers, taking care of others by serving them, serving to god, to their sister’s sons and daughters and so on. Last but not least the woman who ends up having relationships with those who are married and which is convenient to her because she never really wants to commit either anyway. These relationships can be damaging to the growth of  a woman. Especially if trapped in this vicious cycle.

 

It is seriously important to make a change in your life. If you are hurting and damaged or broken by the absence of your father and can relate to anything I have mentioned today then I advise you see a therapist. The therapist will help you heal from any past hurts and any failed relationships any damaging situations. They will provide you with the tools you need to make a change and take control of your life. Forgive, that does not mean you have to forget but forgive for you. Forgive for your growth. Know that there are so many people out there to help you and that can relate to you. We are never alone. Please do not be afraid to talk to me about anything in regards to this situation. Always able to extend a listening ear and help others on their path to happiness.

 

Thank you for reading feel free to request any topics of discussions. I am here to make a change in the world. I want to spread peace, love and happiness in anyway I possibly can. Lastly I would Like to give a huge thanks to my amazing boyfriend for giving me the idea of this blog. You are amazing you are inspiring, incredibly supportive  adore you very much! Thank you my love xx

 

TM xxxx                                                              Instagram - @Shortasstam

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I will be sharing with you health and fitness tips as well as beauty tips and I will also be offering advice in those following areas including your personal lives and whole lot more!

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