Mother vs Daughter Who Runs The Household?
There is no doubt that a mother and daughter relationship can be challenging at the most. Especially as young women are going through adolescence and dipping their toe in the pond you call life. There are so many factors as to why a mother and daughter relationship would be challenged, especially as this is said to be the relationship that suffers the most.
Growing up we depend and rely on our mothers to do almost everything for us. From around the age of 8 we begin to set into our personalities and form our interests, talents and perspectives on life.
A clash of personality can be a problem in a mother and daughter relationship. They say you can never have two women in the kitchen. This is because a difference in opinion and personality when brought to a head can be an explosion at times. Fighting and arguing to prove your point or to be heard, not listening,respecting each other's opinions, differences or the lack of communication can be damaging to a mother and daughter relationship.
When adolescence knocks on the door this is a time where our parents especially our mothers almost need to take a back seat and let us experience life and go out living our lives. It can be difficult for some mothers to let go of their attachment to being needed and try to control what little they can when they can in their daughters life.
This is one issue in particular that can cause a mother and daughter relationship to have challenges. Nobody likes to be controlled. Everyone likes their freedom to do as they please. As a young girl you are finding yourself, spending time with friends going to the movies , playing around with makeup and dressing up as well as talking about the hottest boys in your class are going to be what you are interested in.
However, our mothers have better plans for us. They may want you to be and behave in a certain way which to you may not be what you want to do which can be seen as forceful. I have seen and read cases of women and young girls having issues with their mothers due to the fact that their mother wants them to have a certain job in a certain field and may constantly compare them to other siblings almost forcing them to go into a specific field of work to be like the family and make the family look good.
This can create resentment in children towards their parents as they are forcing them to live a life that does not make them happy or is not something they really want to do and are almost doing this just to please their parents which in the long run is going to cause huge unhappiness for the child.
It has been proven that mothers are more critical of their daughters than they are of their sons. That can cause a feeling as though you are a disappointment to your mother as you feel as though you are constantly trying to please or compete with your siblings which can also add to resentment that you may have towards her.
68% Of women between ages 18-35 feel as though their mothers resent them for being a certain way. Mothers can be very critical of our life choices and the things we do in our personal lives. I believe this is only because they care and want the best of us. Some mothers take it to an extreme level which can be seen as overbearing for some women and young girls.
You must remember you are always enough and you are doing good. We are not perfect however, we are doing the best for ourselves currently.Your only at the start of your journey. That journey will follow on throughout any choices you choose to make for yourself. Nothing anyone says can affect that apart from if you allow it too.
Mental health can also be a factor of mother and daughter relationships. Parents have learnt to parent by the parenting they have received growing up. Their life experiences and their relationship with their parents has an impact on the relationship they then have with their children and how they parent their children.
Some parents suffer from different forms of depression. You can find out more about the different types of depression through the NHS website. However, I feel like this can play a huge part in the relationship failures with mothers and daughters or mothers and their children in general.
Being depressed can bring people down to a very low place and they feel as though they just are not good enough. Lack of confidence can play a huge part in socialising and meeting new people which then causes them to be closed of from the world and keep to themselves. They can shut everyone out and this can include their children.
Adolescents children are trying to figure out the hormones changing and imbalances and changes within their own bodies and to figure out why their parent is distant and closed off is another mystery to them. They can begin to think they may be the problem and feel as though they are a hindrance and are making their parent unhappy.
A lack of maternal warmth or being emotionally unavailable can create insecurities within a daughter which can enable her to latch on to people seeking for that attention , affection and love she did not get from her mum. This can also affect parenting in the future as they can either learn from their parents mistakes, or follow the cycle of their parent which can make them distant not knowing how to meet the emotion needs of their child.
I would say if you feel as though you and your mother are going through a rough patch and there are any of this issues being discussed in this blog today to sit down and communicate. Get to the route of the issue or maybe suggest some family therapy. An outsider is always a better person to judge the situation fairly. Therapists are able to give a professional and fair opinion and provide you with the tools to fix the problem. Most importantly they will help you figure out the problem and where it stems from.
I hope this has been a helped and insightful post and has helped you to understand the different perspectives of mother and daughter issues and how you can seek help or fix and communicate the issues to better the relationships.
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